To Dad …with Love

 Hi Dad…so the 5 year anniversary of your death has come and gone on June 8th. Every year I post something on Facebook to honor you. I was very quiet this year. I don’t know why. Yeah, stop laughing I know, me quiet? After all, I am my father’s daughter. I was feeling quite somber and kind of blah. Actually, just how I’ve been feeling lately. Oh, it’s not that I don’t miss you because I miss you terribly, every day, all day. There is not a moment since you have been gone that I don’t think about you and wish you were here. Sometimes I still just can’t believe that you’re gone. Funny, I go by the “Dip” as you used to call it (The Donut Dip) where you were somewhat of a staple with your eclectic group of cronies. Drinking black coffee, eating your donut or bagel and yenta-ing about all the goings on.I could go by there eight times during the course of a day, and I’m fine, I really am and then I might go by one more time and that last time if I just happen to look over there in the right way a wave comes over me and I pretty much lose it. I wonder if they remember you there. You know people die all the time, and of course, they’re honored and people miss them and then it just goes away. Life marches on… people march on. I so get it, it’s just the way it is. People have good intentions. Come on, I don’t expect everybody to remember every single person that has died and think about them all day long.I have to tell you since you’ve been gone it has not been easy without you. It’s just so silly that you had to go. Yes I know it’s not your fault this is the process of life I guess. And I could say it’s not fair all I want. But I have learned the hard way in more ways than one that life is not fair. It’s just so weird, sometimes we are only given what seems like a few minutes with the ones that we love. And then thousands of hours to spend thinking about them. I really like to think that someday far away from now, that I will see you again. I like to think where you are I will be going. And it’s a nice place, a good place. So cliche to say, but a place where there is infinite youth, no illness or pain. Endless amounts of sunshine and happiness. Do you think that’s a bit of a pipe dream? I like to believe that’s where you really are and I also like to believe I will be there with you someday. After all, It’s gotta be better than this. This life that I’m still in. It’s not easy. I’m sure you knew that before you left but it’s gotten even harder. There’s a lot of bad stuff going on around us. That’s why I still want to believe wherever you are you don’t have to deal with all the sadness, sorrow and pain like we do here.

So it’s going to be Father’s Day on Sunday. I couldn’t just let the anniversary of your death and Father’s day go by without you knowing how much I think about you and how very much you are loved still and always. It doesn’t matter if other people have perhaps forgotten about you and their life is going on. All that matters is that I have not forgotten about you. That would be virtually impossible. It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember . I so miss you Dad. You were one of a kind. All the wonderful memories I have I keep close to my heart.  That way I can keep you with me always . You gave me wisdom. So easily. Your life’s wisdom. Just from things that you have gone through. Your advice was always true, and real. You used to tell me that you knew everything. And you know Dad, now that you are not here I have to say I really think you did… know everything that is. Unfortunate that it took for you to pass on for me to admit that you know everything lol you always said to me no matter what I was going through. The most pain that you could see your daughter in. You would say  “this to shall pass”. Although it never seems like it’s going to. I suppose it does pass and then there’s always something else that sneaks up behind it. It’s an evolution of sorts. Nothing really stays the same. It might get better for a little while, that certain situation. And then there’s a new one to be dealt with. I guess I’m stronger than I think. I believe you used to tell me that too. It’s hard to see it when you’re in it. When you’re going through something so hard. But I have to think to myself, look I’m still here, still standing and I’ve gotten through it. Something else I always wanted to thank you for. Something that seems to get me through my days, my weeks, my months, my life. My humor, my humor that I got from you, Daddy. That witty, bantering kind of crazy funny. Yes, I got it from you. This is something that perhaps gets me through life. I think that your humor and your wit got you through you’re not so good times as well. Maybe tears of a clown? I don’t know but whatever it is I feel very blessed and lucky to have been passed down this wonderful quirky crazy silly personality.

Well, Daddy, I’m going to say goodbye for now although it’s never goodbye. It’s, “I’ll see you again someday”. Everybody told me since you passed that I will see you in my dreams.  Well,  in 5 years I have never once seen you in my dreams. I’m not worried. I’m not worried because I’m stubborn (like you) and I will continue to go to sleep every night hoping to see you in my dreams. Goodnight my sweet Daddy. I hope that you are resting in never ending peace. Lord knows that you deserve that. I will see you when I see you… Happy Fathers Day..love always and forever… your favorite and only daughter, Sherry 💗

” when someone you love becomes a memory… that memory becomes a treasure”